thursday thoughts

i'm looking into an lsat course to take. most likely it will be kaplan. for one they are quite a bit cheaper than the princeton review, by several $1000. so, thinking ahead a bit i will start the paralegal certificate program at university of washington in the fall quarter, and then begin kaplan next fall, after i have completed the uw program and am working as a paralegal. i am so happy i was accepted into the uw program, and i love the fact that they consider this a 5th year program and you must have a b.s. for acceptance. good job. that b.s. did pay off, after all these years.

it has awakened this law bug in me. i've wanted to go to law school for so long, i took a nice long break and found my career in social work and i wouldn't trade it for the world, but law has always been in the back of my mind. in my heart. i feel like the time is right. mr. roll is so supportive. he is encouraging me to go for it it--go to law school. it's only 3 years, and when i complain about my age he tells me i'm going to turn 60 in 8 years and i may as well be an attorney when i do. gosh i love this man. how did i get so lucky.

septic shock really has changed my perspective of things in life. i feel blessed to still be alive. so my motor skills aren't what they used to be, they continue to get better each month. god bless my physical therapist, linda, right here in town--she is a miracle worker. i started seeing linda 4 years ago when i, out of the blue, developed frozen shoulder in my right shoulder, and she got rid of it for me. through the course of working with her she invited me to join her newly formed book club and i did. we've become very close friends and i adore her. i was so afraid of going back to pt, after leaving swedish hospital where the pt came to my room to work with me. it was so hard to walk back then and i fell down all the time. forget doing the stairs--hated them. but linda had again fixed me. on tuesday i actually walked around her building and she pointed out i wasn't grinding my teeth, nor was i clutching my sides and digging my nails into my thighs, all in fear of falling and trying to balance myself. i did it. i'm so excited to go back to pt/ot tomorrow and do it again. i'm also ready to dive back into yoga after several weeks off due to another kidney stone on the right side (the bad side for me and the damaged side.)

oh, and my hair is finally growing back in. finally. finally. it's so thin i'll never be able to pull it into a ponytail again, but i have hair coming coming back in and i am thrilled!!! every time i walk past my wedding picture and i'm standing there next to mr. roll with long curls cascading off my shoulders and mr. roll has a head full of brown hair and his beard. wow, things have changed. now i hardly have any hair (but it's growing back in or at least it's not falling out anymore) and mr. roll lost every hair on his body except his beard from chemo. things change us. illness changes us. but we have loved each other through it all.

i have also had opportunity to rethink my life and what i want to do for the rest of it. mr. roll is fighting cancer. the battle continues for us, as it has for the past 5 years. chemo. oncology appointments. it's a part of our life. after leaving social work i have felt so lost. questioning everything. being thrown into a world called macy's as a senior executive. still trying to understand how that happened, and happy it only lasted 2 years before a lay off was inevitable. for this layoff i can thank septic shock--the only thing i can think to thank it for. after months of thought, journaling, praying, talking, i feel good about my decision to pursue a new career as a paralegal.

of course i was settling for this thinking i am too old for start and finish law school. every one but me seems to think i am not too old. i am now there too--i am not too old. why not do what i want to do? i've been given my life to live and i must live it to the fullest doing what i feel called to do. i am not too old. i am excited to do the paralegal program and i am excited to do the kaplan lsat course after completing it. it's a good thing i love school.

of course it's been a long time since i've been in school. u.c. berkeley seems like a long long long time ago. hopefully it's like riding a bike:)

tonight mr. roll came home from work and since i'd already prepared dinner for mom because she was hungry and wanted pancakes, he suggested he take me out. fun. due to mom living with us and not doing so well we don't get out often, so when we do it's always a fun for us and we take advantage of the freedom of a few hours. i tucked mom into bed for the night and went out to dinner. came back an hour later and she was still in bed and fine. mr. roll says this is preparation for saturday night when we head over to redmond to see foreigner and a led zeppelin tribute band. normally i don't care for tribute bands especially since between the two of us we've seen led zeppelin a half-dozen times, but we love led zeppelin so off we go. mr. roll is going to love saturday night.

i got sidetracked somewhere in there and forgot to mention that the specialist neurologist at uw is running tests with the most likely outcome to be a diagnosis of meniere's disease. i feel like a textbook case for this. it feels surprisingly good to have a name for the strange, unusual, and often times weird symptoms happening in me. now to figure out a course of action for a positive resolution to it being there is no cure. i'm also working on diet to rid myself of ever developing another kidney stone.