i had a good day today. a day free from the trappings of meniere's disease (MM). i woke up and spent some time lounging around reading "the kennedy women". school begins on thursday so i am on a timeline to get these 800+ pages finished.
mr. roll and i took the dogs out for a long walk. well, at long walk as for as our little town in concerned. we walked down to starbucks and then sat out in the warm sun for about 2 hours talking. talking about the future and what not. i am feeling the need to have some of my family around to help us with mom. i think my saying those words aloud caused mr. roll to lose his breath and catch it. he has never in 11 years of knowing me heard me utter those words in regard to my family.
i have never lived by my family. i left in 1975 for u.c. berkeley and stayed after two graduations. i have never lived by my family, nor have i ever had any desire to. my parents visited us every three months and we visited them on holidays and summers. i called my mom practically every day. the perfect long distance relationship with my parents. my sisters i actually ignored. i was the only one of us to go to college, and then graduate school. i followed the tradition of my mom who had done the same. my five siblings married young and had children. many small children. one of them doesn't even have her GED. i wish she would get it. i was a snob, married to a ph.d and berkeley was our life. i had no time for my sisters. when i saw them on holidays i was remote and distant, speaking when spoken to, never initiating conversations.
that has changed now, thank god. laura and shannon are my safety net. i'm 51, laura is 50, and shannon is 49. come november, laura will be 51, and december shannon will be 50. you can see how close we all are in age. too close.
friday while i was on the phone with laura, i casually mentioned to her that i wish she and her husband, dennis, would move out here. they are in missouri, and they have one daughter living there and three grandkids. they have a son in seattle, and another son in texas. i need laura to move out here to seattle. jake, their son, was visiting them for two weeks and he was talking to them about moving to seattle. i feel like have jake in my corner to talk them into it. there is no work in missouri. laura is a waitress where, in missouri, the average tip is $.50. dennis is a house painter, but no one is spending money now on things like that.
laura was encouraged to think about it. there is nothing for them in missouri. the grandkids can visit on holidays and summer vacations. li suggested we (phil and i) get a larger house we can all live in together. laura will take care of mom while i am in school, and we will pay her for this, just as we pay a caregiver now. laura like this plan.
for a woman who has never wanted to live around family, this seems like it can work. i need someone in my family pick up the ball and help me, and laura doesn't see it as picking up the ball, but as a blessing.
It sounds like a really good idea to share the care of your mum with your sister and look after her as a team. It might be a challenge to go from living so far apart for so many years to suddenly all living under one roof. If either of you had any uncertainties about this your sister could always try living in a house nearby for a year coming to your house in the day time and having her own space at night. You could still have family tea together as often as you like but also some breathing space occasionally. It would give you time to test the water as you head towards the plan of all living under one roof. I hope things all work out for you.
ReplyDelete