The Sunday Times

today it's all about the food . . .

the smells waifing from the kitchen are exciting. i've decided to create a mexican feast for dinner tonight. simple. delicious.

on the menu are chicken enchiladas complete with verde sauce. the tomatillos are cooked and pureed. the garlic and onion added. the cilantro chopped. the jalapeno chopped. all pureed into a liquid that tastes oh so good to the palette. the chicken is roasted and ready for shredding. soon will be time to combine and mix and create the dish topping it with mexican creme. again, it all smells so very good.

the beans are boiling on the stove. the onions added to the chicken stock along with three different kinds of peppers, salt and pepper to wed them all together. the smell is making my mouth water for a taste. the tasting is the best part.

waiting to be done is the ground beef for the tacos. i have all the peppers chopped, the onion chopped and the seasonings waiting to go in when i begin. as if cooks i will cut up the avocado, green onion, lettuce, tomato and shred the jack cheese.

all-in-all a very good dinner tonight.

tameron lens give away . . .
and there is a give-away, and boy do i want this lens for my nikon. check out the link here.
http://mcpactions.com/blog/2009/07/08/win-an-slr-lens-brand-new-tamron-lens-%e2%80%93-18-270mm-or-28-300mm/#comment-15314

saturday in forks

in search of all things vampire . . .

we have been in forks, wa this weekend. we came up on friday morning and have managed to do everything that has anything, or maybe not, with twilight. forks has embraced their notoriety and made their town so welcoming to the gazillions of fans descending on them in search of their favorite vampire.

kelsey has had a great time. she is so excited to text her friends from forks and tell them all we've done and managed to see.

taking mom out of the house is't proving to be a good thing. this is the first time we've taken her anywhere since las vegas and it hasn't gone well at all. being out of her own environment has her confused and nervous. she keeps asking the same questions over and over again. she isn't really able to walk with us so mr. roll has been having to sit with her while kelsey and go in and out of the twilight shops. we've decided that we can't bring her with us anymore and we'll have to look into respite care.

all-in-all though it's a good weekend getaway and we are having a great time.

friday feelings

why me? how on earth did i end up in this position? today has been both a good day and a miserable day to endure.

kelsey arrived today. we are so excited to have her here for 10 days. unfortunately, the driver side window in my car got stuck in the down position so we had to take mr. roll's car to the airport to get her. fortunately that meant we had the perfect excuse not to take mom with us. mr. roll, at 6'5, is so tall that the seat has to be pushed all the way back for his legs so no one can sit behind him making his car not ok to have mom in while needing to have kelset in there too. so nice to not have to take mom to the airport with us.

mr. roll and i were on the list to pick kelsey up, so we we could go back to the gate and meet the plane. mom was not on the list so wouldn't be able to go back. meaning that mr. roll or i would have to sit with her. neither of us wanted to be the one to stay behind with her. mom sitting at the airport waiting is unbearable and annoying all rolled into one. she nags about how long it's taking. she threatens to walk home. she complains about the time it's taking. she threatens to walk home. at some point one gets to frustrated with her it's tempting to let her walk home. it's tempting to not yell at her and tell her to shut-up. it's like having a 120lb 2 year old, except a 2 year old can understand better what is going on. mom has no idea what is happening nor what she is saying.

god blessed us with a broken window and we were off the hook. kurt was here to watch mom and we were off to the airport. free. it doesn't happen often so we enjoyed every minute of it. after we had kelsey we headed out to lunch, then to target, then to fred meyers, and finally home 7 hours after leaving the house this morning.

tomorrow we are heading off to forks in search of vampires. i wish we had arranged for kurt to stay here with mom for the weekend, but i didn't. i thought she would be ok to take along. why do i have such a hard time accepting how bad her mental health is? she's 90. there is going to be a lot of walking invovled in our pursuit of all things vampire and i know she cannot do it, which is going to make me upset and everyone else walking on eggshells. i want this to be a fun weekend for kelsey.

i have had such high hopes for this trip. you know how you build something in your mind and then reality hits you smack in the face? this is what is going on with me right now. reality. mom. fun in forks. mr. roll had to come and tell me he just got around to making reservations and we are staying at the motel 8. i bite my tongue and didn't yell at him. i know it was hard for him to have to tell me this, as he knows in my plan we were staying somewhere nice, and he had to break it to me that there was no room at any of the better inns. it seems everyone is heading to forks, this weekend, in seach of vampires. add this to my list of complaints.

vent it out and let it go. let it go. let it go. don't ruin this for kelsey. we are not spending time at the motel, we are only sleeping there with the dogs no less. let it go.

we'll still eat good food--absolutely no chain junk and no fast food and gor goodness sake no subway. how does mr. roll stomach that crap? they use fake meat and i don't even eat real meat. we'll eat good food and enjoy each others company. we'll walk a lot. talk a lot. laugh a lot. and we'll have fun in forks in search of vampires.

i will find my good place. i will get to bed early and sleep well tonight so i have rested and in a good mood for the day ahead. lord, please be with me. be with me tomorrow as you have been today. it's all good in god's hands.

tuesday thoughts

zak, my youngest son, sent me this picture that he took of me in chicago. we had been up since 3:00am, as we had to be at united arena (where the bulls play) by 4am. we were waiting for our dinner cruise to begin boarding and i was exhausted. i look like i'm in a daze, but i still like the picture.

mr. roll has been so sick. i had him to the doctor on monday (also had a test done on myself and it came back that i indeed have a uti, which is not a good thing for me as i have kidney disease and have recently gone septic.) mr. roll's condition is much more serious than mine. he has colon cancer that has spread to both his lungs and his cough is getting worse. painful. louder. painful for me to hear, so i knew it was time to call.

we had tried to call on friday, but the office was closed for the 4th holiday weekend. mr. roll didn't want to do the emergency room because his care is "different" from your average person showing up with a bad cough. he needed to see his oncologist or primary care doctor both which obviously know he has cancer and how it's being treated, and know that he doesn't have bronchitis.

after we left the doctor's office we headed on down the hill it ikea. i've been needing to get there for a week now to buy a futon. my niece is coming on thursday and we needed to get a futon for her to sleep on in the office. we've been wanting to get this for over a year now, so her visiting forced us to get going on it. in the process i am also cleaning up the office. i've told mr. roll that he is to keep it clean. i think that is one of those instructions that goes in one ear and out the other. oh well.

today i went back to physical therapy. i should have been back long ago, but i let my fear of failure and falling keep me away. linda, my pt is amazing and is already figuring out what to do to help me walk better. she is also agreeing that the yoga is perfect for me, in fact she asked me to please tell my good friend, kim, about it and encourage her to go wtih me. kim and i were meeting at starbucks, after i was done with pt, and linda joined us so we all talked about the benefits of yoga for people suffering from or recovering from serious illness and injury. kim is coming with me tomorrow to yoga. i am very happy.

and i didn't fall one time at physical therapy. i trust linda, for one, but i was able to and in fact did even better walking when i didn't try so hard to do it. i am going to get better. i know i am. it's been forever since i felt like this.

saturday holiday

we were invited over to linda's today for a bbq. actually this is what we do every 4th of july. linda has a new home it was wonderful to see her looking so beautiful. so healthy. enjoying life with a new man. a christian man.

mr. roll is sick but he came along with me. i think he enjoyed getting out of the house for a bit and even eating a lot of good good great food. i took along my ice cream maker and made blueberrie ice cream and it was a big hit. i haven't made ice cream is so long i am surprised i remembered how. it was good. i think tomorrow i am going to make peach ice cream. my dad made the best peach ice cream with peaches from his yard--it was so good. i will try to recreate it.

tonight i had a little xanga upset. i blogged on xanga for several years and was actively involved in a blogging community. i truely loved the group. my youngest son came out to me 5 years ago, on the day after christmas. he is gay. it wasn't a shock or anything else and all was and still is good. i was very open with my real-life-friends, most of whom knowmy son. i was not open with the online friends that i met through xanga. my gut feeling was that it wouldn't be ok. they were for the most part very conservative. looking back i can't imagine how i even became friends with 99.9% of them, but i did.

i told a woman i had come to love like my sister. i never heard from her again. not only that but she told someone else. i was dropped like a hot potato. questions they demanded answers to like, "how can you allow your sinning son and his friends to come into your home?" whats on earth gives a christian the right to ask me a question like that? i have been judged. i have had emails sent to me that have offended me. hurt me. i have felt so vulnerable.

i eventually walked away. walked out of xanga. i didn't close my blog, i simply stopped going to it. then i came to blogspot, by way of momlogic. i wanted to respond to someone, so i opened a blog. now i use it.

while i do not go to my blog, i do still follow al the blogs on xanga i was subbed to. yes, this means i still read the blogs of the people who have judged me. i do this because i am still interested in what they are doing. what i have learned though is they may call themselves christian but thei actions speak louder than their words. they are angry, hurtful, evil filled people who would rather judge another than try to love and understand them. coming to this realization has been good for me. so good that i am ready to not read the blogs anymore and at least unsub from them all. in doing this i will be gone from xanga once and for all.

this evening i decided to go to a few of the blogs i was cloest to the authors on. one woman in particular i assumned we were still friends. maybe i had my head in the sand, i mean she hasn't responded to 3 messages. tonight, reading her blog and the comments of two others besides myself i saw thatshe had responded to them together to thank them for their support, etc. she completely ignored me as if i wasn't there. in her world i don't exisit so i am not there.

my heart is broken. sad. i feel so awful about myself. in the big picture i cannot be friends with these people if they can't accept that i have gay son that i love. i have a gay son that comes to my house to visit me. he calls me. he comes out here on his day off, about once a month, to take his 90 year old grandma out to lunch. honestly these people would be hard pressed to find something complainable about him. he graduated from college and he has a great job that he loves and they love him. how can a group of christians decide i am the unforgivable sinner simply because they don't like that i love and have a close relationship with my son, who happens to be gay. talk about wwjd? certainly not what they are doing.

i'm sad that this one particular woman has chosen to end our friendship. we live on opposite sides of the country so we were never able to meet in person, but we had a healthy online friendship. or so i thought.

the other issue for me is that these, so called christians, have spent a lot of time discussing me with one another so they could decide on a spokesperson for the group. in the real world this is called gossiping, but boy did the spokesperson set me straight when i called that out. i like nothing worse than someone quoting scripture at me instead of answering me straightout.

that is off my chest now.

friday feelings

can it really be july 3rd already?

today was 90 degrees outside. we don't get a lot of days like this here in western washington. i love them.

i spent the morning cleaning up upstairs and trying to get it ready for kelsey to get here. on sunday we have to make a trip to ikea to buy a new bed to put in the office so she has something to sleep on. i am so excited for her to come. our first stop, after picking her up at the airport, is forks, washington. kelsey is the biggest twilight fan and cannot wait to visit forks and see where edward and bella came to life. i am thrilled to be able to do this with her.

we'll stay in port angeles for the weekend and then come bac home. we have a lot of things planned to do with her while she is here. i want her to have the best time!

today i took mom out to bonney lake to do some shopping. i ended up at marshells where i found yoga shoes and several new yoga pants and tops. i also found a dress to wear to the bbq at linda's house tomorrow, and of course shoes to go with it. and being as i am not the most patriotic person, it is not red, white, or blue. it's pretty. feminine and pretty. mr. roll will love it.

linda hosts a bbq every 4th of july and i love a potluck. tomorrow i am taking pesto pasta salad, deviled eggs, salsa and chips, and i baked a lemonade cake and will frost it tomorrow with whipped cream, blueberries and strawberries.

mr. roll and i were supposed to go out to dinner tonight at salty's for our anniversary. were supposed to go. we didn't go. he is sick. sick. sick. i hate cancer so much. he assures me he really wants to go out with me to celebrate and we will. he promised we will. it will be random though depending on when he is having a good day. the joys of living with cancer. i want my husband to be better. to feel good.

wednesday wine

another beautiful day here on the plateau.

i was up early and off to starbucks for my regular triple grande latte, and then off to yoga. came home and grabed mom to run off to the market. mom loves to go to the market. then it was back home.

pulling up to the house i noticedthat bear was outside and i had a little panic attack. you see, bear will stay in the yard,l but his cohorts lucy and harley do not stay in the yard and escape by digging under the fence. yikes. thankfully as i darted for the front door i saw kurt's bicycle in the driveway and realized that he had let the dogs out and all was well.

kurt is mom's caregiver and a blessing to us all. whie he was with mom the rest of day, sitting out on the deck reading the bible and then playing dominos, i was able to get some work done. i took my laptop out to the backyard and worked at the table, trying to get a paper done for entry in the paralegal program at the university of washington. i have got to get this sent off asap!

of course the garden called me . . . so i did a little gardening. quess what i found when i began racking som leaves from a far corner? pumpkins! pumpkins i planted 2 years ago have come back to life this year. they have been sheltered from the elements with all the maple leaves on top of them and they survived and the plants look beautiful. i am thrilled.

dinner tonight is chicago style deep dish pizza. zak and i ate at pissaria uno while we were in chicago and it was the best pizza ever! so i looked up the recipe online and made it tonight. it smells so good. i made an antipasta salad to go with it. delicious.

blessings.