Thursday, July 9, 2009

friday feelings

why me? how on earth did i end up in this position? today has been both a good day and a miserable day to endure.

kelsey arrived today. we are so excited to have her here for 10 days. unfortunately, the driver side window in my car got stuck in the down position so we had to take mr. roll's car to the airport to get her. fortunately that meant we had the perfect excuse not to take mom with us. mr. roll, at 6'5, is so tall that the seat has to be pushed all the way back for his legs so no one can sit behind him making his car not ok to have mom in while needing to have kelset in there too. so nice to not have to take mom to the airport with us.

mr. roll and i were on the list to pick kelsey up, so we we could go back to the gate and meet the plane. mom was not on the list so wouldn't be able to go back. meaning that mr. roll or i would have to sit with her. neither of us wanted to be the one to stay behind with her. mom sitting at the airport waiting is unbearable and annoying all rolled into one. she nags about how long it's taking. she threatens to walk home. she complains about the time it's taking. she threatens to walk home. at some point one gets to frustrated with her it's tempting to let her walk home. it's tempting to not yell at her and tell her to shut-up. it's like having a 120lb 2 year old, except a 2 year old can understand better what is going on. mom has no idea what is happening nor what she is saying.

god blessed us with a broken window and we were off the hook. kurt was here to watch mom and we were off to the airport. free. it doesn't happen often so we enjoyed every minute of it. after we had kelsey we headed out to lunch, then to target, then to fred meyers, and finally home 7 hours after leaving the house this morning.

tomorrow we are heading off to forks in search of vampires. i wish we had arranged for kurt to stay here with mom for the weekend, but i didn't. i thought she would be ok to take along. why do i have such a hard time accepting how bad her mental health is? she's 90. there is going to be a lot of walking invovled in our pursuit of all things vampire and i know she cannot do it, which is going to make me upset and everyone else walking on eggshells. i want this to be a fun weekend for kelsey.

i have had such high hopes for this trip. you know how you build something in your mind and then reality hits you smack in the face? this is what is going on with me right now. reality. mom. fun in forks. mr. roll had to come and tell me he just got around to making reservations and we are staying at the motel 8. i bite my tongue and didn't yell at him. i know it was hard for him to have to tell me this, as he knows in my plan we were staying somewhere nice, and he had to break it to me that there was no room at any of the better inns. it seems everyone is heading to forks, this weekend, in seach of vampires. add this to my list of complaints.

vent it out and let it go. let it go. let it go. don't ruin this for kelsey. we are not spending time at the motel, we are only sleeping there with the dogs no less. let it go.

we'll still eat good food--absolutely no chain junk and no fast food and gor goodness sake no subway. how does mr. roll stomach that crap? they use fake meat and i don't even eat real meat. we'll eat good food and enjoy each others company. we'll walk a lot. talk a lot. laugh a lot. and we'll have fun in forks in search of vampires.

i will find my good place. i will get to bed early and sleep well tonight so i have rested and in a good mood for the day ahead. lord, please be with me. be with me tomorrow as you have been today. it's all good in god's hands.

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