Friday, April 10, 2009

friday fanfare

while today didn't go exactly as i dreamed of it going, this evening i found a link to the cutest swim suit ste ever! lime ricki swimwear
i've ordered 3 siuts from them already and i cannot wait until they arrive. i cannot wait for my sisters to see this and love it just as much as i am :) if they are as perfect in person as they are from the website i know i will be buying more asap. enjoy.

today is the day i told myself i would once again spend running errands for and with my mom. my 90 year old mom with dementia. taking her out with me is a struggle that i find myself less and less wanting to do. she is difficult in public and she complains about everything no matter what someone is trying to do for her.

maybe being with her scares me. maybe i am afraid of doing this to my children. of becoming a problem for them. of becoming someone they do not want around. i don't want me my mom.

when i was young i worshipped my mother. she was a teacher. she was a fashionista. she had shoes and a matching handbag for every outfit in her three closets. she was a godly woman, athough she never talked about her faith or god to anyone, including me. god was just there and that seemed to be good enough for her. she was a wonderful grandmother to my boys and they adored her. for them being around her now is better than it is for me. they are patient and i am not.

i struggle with keeping mom home with us. her caretakers are angels that come in to care for her daily. fridays are my day and it's the day i dread the most. everytime i thinki can't take another day of this i stop short when i realize the alternative is a nursing home. i don't want that.

what i need right now is for mom to go to bed and leave me to have some alone time. time to regain my composure over a glass of merlot. calm my anxious heart. merlot is just the ticket.


mrs. roll

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