friday feelings

farrah died. cancer sucks.

mr. roll has cancer. he was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer, and told he had 6-18 months right after our first anniversary. i can still remember clearly my conversation with the nurse on the phone telling me that i needed to get him into the doctor for some tests and my telling her we were set to leave for lake tahoe, so couldn't we do it when we got back to seattle. she said, "mrs. roll your husband has cancer and you need to cancel your vacation." i will remember those words for the rest of my life. talk about a life defining moment. cancer.

i sobbed through 'farrah's story" tonight. sitting here with mr. roll watching it. he was silent. so silent i couldn't hear him breathing. i sobbed. uncomfortable that i was crying in front of him. i don't cry over cancer in front of him. i am a rock of sorts. not really. i hate cancer so much.

it's 5 years later and mr. roll is still here. he still has cancer. research has improved 9thank you katie couric) and every time we are told there is nothing more to do, research develops and it works. the cancer is still there though always out smarting the research. cancer sucks.

farrah showed the world what it really is like to live with this disease. it's not fun. it's not easy on anyone. not the patient. not the family. it's hard. it's controls our life. but i am happy we still have a life.

good job farrah. rest in peace angel.