Wednesday, June 17, 2009

wednesday wantings

today has been a day of drivin and errand running with a few important visits thrown in too. mom and i both had doctor appointments. mom's to check-in after her stroke and heart attacks. for 90 years old she is doing incredible! i wish i could say the same for myself. my blood work i had done weeks ago is showing i am low low low in b-6, b-12, potassium, magnesiam, calcium. not a good thing at all. i now must go in once a month for a follow-up and a shot. i don't like shots. not at all. but i also don't like the thought mf my heart giving out on me from the lack of potassium.

i spent the entre day with mom, and tonight i am ready to send her to bed. too bad she won't go. the repeated questions are driving me nuts. asking me when i'm going to chicago literally every 15 minutes. asking when i'm going to chicago literally every 15 minutes. follwoing me around the house to ask me when i'm going to chicago lierally every 15 minutes. i can't handle it much more. i'm always torn between whether to tell her anything at all due to her excessive manic obsessive behavior which she carries in her head and cannot let go of. what i wouldn't give for a quiet day in my home to straighten up and work in the garden alone. peace and quiet. i honestly don't remember what it's like. sandwich generation, that is what they refer to this state of living as. in the big picture i can say that i don't have boomarang children. they graduated from college and secured great jobs in the field of choice and never move back home after graduating.

i'm really not a horrible person, i'm just in need at an hour of solitude in my day. i thought mr. roll and i would be celebrating out life together doing all kinds of wonderful things together all the time. not. mom moved in with us when we'd been married 6 months and we can count, on one hand, the number of times we've had time alone together since. the kid are raised, graduated from college, and out on their own and it is our turn now. sandwich generation. nothing prepared us for this.

it's odd how one person in the family seems to be the 'one' that takes on aging mom and dad. it's nothing that is spoken of and decided on. it simply happens and it's 'you'. in the case of my family it is 'me'. me. me. not a simgle offer of help from the siblings. nada. nothing. just me. they get by with aphone call once a week. i take care of their mother 24/7 and the offer a phone call on sunday to say 'hi' with no offer to help, or come stay with her so mr. roll and i can go away for a week or two. we can't even go spend christmas with mr. roll's family in minneapolis because we have mom with us, and my sisters are too busy at the holidays with their won families. what is wrong with this?

it's been a grumpy day and i am tired and ready to forget about it. i want my mom to head to bed so i can spend some time with mr. roll just sitting and being quiet watching movie. dreaming.

dinner tonight is pot roast. it's mr. roll's favorite dinner and since i'm leaving town friday i thought i'd make it for him. i'm serving it over mashed potatoes. it's cooking in the oven, where it has been for the last 6 hours, and the house smells so good. when mr. roll came home from work the first thing he said was "pot roast?" and he had a huge grin on his face. i do love this man.

i wish i could share how to make my pot roast, but i simply toss things in--literally. the only basic is 2 white onions, 2 carrots, 4 celery, salt, pepper, red wine, beef stock. and then it depends what i have on the spice rack--rosemary, oregano, bay leaf, etc. always brown the pot roast in vegetable oil before adding everything else. i then either do it in the slow cooker or the oven depending on how large the roast is. today it was too big for the slow cooker and i had to use the oven. i still need to do the potatoes and biscuits. good dinner tonight.

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